Narcissism

Narcissism is a personality trait that manifests through patterns of thought and behavior characterized by excessive admiration and preoccupation with oneself and a lack of empathy for others.

A narcissistic person tends to think highly of themselves, desires admiration from others, and often shows little regard for others’ feelings (though not in every case).

Narcissism manifests through a set of interconnected characteristics.

A narcissistic person tends to have an inflated self-image, often accompanied by fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or ideal beauty.

This grandiosity is paired with an insatiable need for admiration and attention, leading the individual to constantly seek external validation of their superiority.

At the same time, there is a marked lack of empathy: recognizing and considering the feelings of others is often absent, making interpersonal relationships superficial and primarily functional to reinforce the narcissist's self-esteem.

Relationships are characterized by a dynamic of exploitation, where others are valued based on their utility to the narcissist rather than for any genuine emotional connection.

A notable sensitivity to criticism reveals another side of narcissism: despite the apparent confidence, criticism or failure can be experienced with intense shame or anger, often provoking disproportionate reactions.

This fragility underscores a discrepancy between the idealized self-image and reality, making it difficult for the narcissist to handle negative or contradictory feedback about their perceived superiority.

But be careful, because we all have a bit of narcissism (it’s part of survival), so

when is narcissism pathological, and when is it mild?

Imagine narcissism as a thermometer that measures how much a person is focused on themselves, desires admiration, and lacks empathy for others. We all have this "thermometer" within us, but the temperature (or level of narcissism) varies from person to person.

Mild narcissistic traits: When we talk about mild narcissistic traits, it’s like the thermometer measures a slightly higher temperature than normal, for example, 36.8/37 degrees, almost at the threshold for the first signs of fever and sickness.

These individuals may show some degree of selfishness, a desire to be the center of attention, or sensitivity to criticism, but they are still able to maintain healthy relationships, show empathy, and adapt to others' needs (avoiding getting “sick”). These traits may only emerge in specific situations and do not dominate their personality or behavior.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Here, the thermometer indicates much higher temperatures, ranging from 38 to 40 degrees, depending on severity.

NPD is a psychological condition where narcissism becomes so extreme that it interferes with a person’s daily life.

Individuals with NPD have an exaggerated need for admiration, a sense of superiority, and a clear disregard for the feelings of others.

These traits are persistent, deeply ingrained, and affect nearly every aspect of a person's life, from personal relationships to professional life.

Unlike those with mild narcissistic traits, people with NPD often do not recognize the negative impact of their behavior on others and themselves.

In short, the main difference between having mild narcissistic traits and having NPD is the severity and impact of these traits on a person's life and the lives of those around them.

A narcissist often tends to create a “mirror” system around themselves (using people) to get reflections of what they wish to be.

Here’s the “mirror game” pattern:

● Self-Projection: They build an ideal identity to present in specific contexts.

● Expectations: They formulate assumptions about how others might perceive this constructed identity.

● Positive Confirmation: They are satisfied by those who reflect the desired image back to them.

● Cognitive Dissonance: They experience disappointment and discomfort when the image reflected by others does not align with the one they have intentionally or unconsciously created.

The Masks of the Narcissist

Narcissists often construct a very flattering image of themselves, almost as if they were wearing a "mask" to appear more charming, powerful, or worthy of admiration in the eyes of others. They expect special treatment, different from everyone else.

This is because, deep down, they may feel insecure or not good enough. The mask serves to protect them from these uncomfortable feelings. For them, it acts as a self-defense and survival mechanism.

The mask protects the fragile ego of the narcissist, hiding insecurities, fears, and feelings of inadequacy.

By wearing a mask of success, competence, or superiority, the narcissist seeks to secure the admiration and approval of others.

These masks allow them to manipulate others, presenting a carefully crafted image of themselves to influence, seduce, or control.

Types of Masks

Below are the main broad categories of narcissistic masks:

• The mask of grandiosity: Displays an image of success, power, and invulnerability, hiding feelings of insecurity or inferiority.

• The mask of seduction: Used to attract and seduce others, emphasizing physical attractiveness, charisma, or intelligence, depending on what the narcissist perceives as most desirable.

• The mask of victimhood: Portrays the narcissist as unjustly persecuted or unlucky, seeking empathy and attention, and often deflecting responsibility for their own actions.

• The mask of perfectionism: Reveals an image of oneself as flawless and superior, attempting to hide any failures or imperfections.

• The masks are interchangeable depending on the situation and the circumstances in which one seeks to disguise themselves in order to shine.

Identity Crisis

Imagine an actor who is so good at playing his roles that, at the end of each performance, he forgets who he is when he's not on stage. Every day, he wears a different mask, becoming a hero, a king, or an adventurer, receiving applause and admiration from the audience. This makes him feel important and loved, but only when he’s wearing those masks.

However, once he returns home, when he removes the makeup and looks at himself in the mirror, he realizes he no longer knows who he truly is. He’s lost in constantly playing someone else, and that relentless search for approval through his characters has left an emptiness inside him.

He doesn’t know what he likes, what he truly wants from life, or how he feels unless it’s through the eyes of another character.

This actor, with his many masks, represents the narcissist in an identity crisis.

He lives for the admiration and approval of others, but this dependency leaves him unable to connect with his true essence. Without an audience, he feels lost, unable to appreciate or even recognize who he is without those masks. His life is a continuous performance, where the need to always be in the spotlight to feel valid pulls him further away from discovering and accepting his true self.

The masks are essentially performative versions of the self, initially adopted for specific purposes, such as achieving social or professional success.

Over time, however, if these masks are worn constantly, the line between the authentic self and the performative self can become blurred, leaving the individual uncertain of who they truly are.

Narcissistic masks are maintained and adapted based on the reactions and approval of others.

This extreme dependence on the approval and validation of others can erode an individual's sense of autonomy and self-efficacy, making it difficult for them to assess or appreciate their worth independently of external judgment.

While constantly seeking admiration and affection, the masks prevent authentic and meaningful connections.

This can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, as relationships built on a façade rarely satisfy deep emotional needs.

The problem arises when the individual does not see themselves reflected in the reality around them, deeming it unacceptable.

An identity crisis can be triggered by various experiences that challenge the narcissistic façade, such as visible failures, public criticism, significant changes in personal or professional relationships, or even spontaneous self-reflection that brings awareness of the discrepancies between the true self and the self presented to the world.

But how is a narcissist born?

· Overvaluation and Idolatry: Parents who overvalue the child, praising them as superior to others without real basis, can contribute to the development of an inflated sense of self-importance, one of the hallmarks of narcissism.

· Emotional Detachment and Neglect: Paradoxically, the opposite—emotional coldness, constant criticism, or neglect—can also fuel narcissism. The child may develop narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism to protect their self-esteem from emotional wounds.

· Unreasonable Expectations: Parents who place unattainable expectations or value the child only for their achievements or success can instill the belief that personal worth is solely tied to visible success and external recognition.

· Defense Against Inferiority: Narcissism can develop as an unconscious attempt to defend against feelings of inferiority and vulnerability. By presenting a grandiose self to the world, the narcissist seeks to protect themselves from the pain and shame of feeling inadequate.

· Identification with the Aggressor: In some cases, the child may identify with a narcissistic or aggressive parent, unconsciously adopting their traits as a survival strategy.

Types of Narcissism

Grandiose narcissism is characterized by traits of grandiosity, dominance, and superiority. This type of narcissist presents themselves with excessive self-confidence, ambition, assertiveness, and a relentless pursuit of admiration and success. They stand out for their sense of entitlement, expectations of preferential treatment, and a tendency to exploit others for their own ends, often displaying arrogant and overbearing behavior.

Vulnerable narcissism, on the other hand, is characterized by sensitivity, insecurity, and shame. Although they maintain fantasies of grandiosity, these individuals are intensely concerned with how others perceive them and show extreme sensitivity to criticism. Their self-esteem is highly fragile, excessively dependent on external approval, which can lead to feelings of helplessness and anger when expectations are unmet.

Healthy narcissism reflects narcissistic traits that can be considered socially acceptable or even advantageous, such as self-confidence, ambition, and leadership. These individuals are able to utilize their narcissistic traits in a functional way, achieving social and professional success without necessarily harming others.

Malignant narcissism combines narcissistic grandiosity with elements of aggression, sadism, and paranoia. This type goes beyond the simple lack of empathy, displaying a tendency toward destructive and manipulative behaviors, often with serious negative impacts on those around them.

(Best to avoid such individuals, as they are highly toxic.)

Covert narcissism is distinguished by introversion and sensitivity, masking narcissistic ambitions behind an appearance of modesty or false humility. Though they may seem shy or insecure, internally, they are consumed by thoughts of grandiosity and a desire for admiration. They expect others to recognize their greatness without having to overtly seek attention.

Somatic and cerebral narcissism are based on the object of grandiosity: the former focuses on the body, beauty, and sexuality, while the latter focuses on intelligence, academic success, and mental abilities.

Sexual narcissism emphasizes the importance of seduction and sexual conquest as confirmation of one’s desirability and superiority. This type of narcissist constantly seeks admiration and validation through sexual conquests, evaluating relationships primarily based on success in seduction rather than emotional intimacy or connection.

Collective narcissism refers to exaggerated pride and superiority based on belonging to a particular group, nation, or culture. Collective narcissism shares some traits with individual narcissism, such as sensitivity to criticism and a sense of entitlement, but manifests on a group level.

Ecological narcissism involves an excessive focus on the environment and ecological practices as an extension of the self, where concern for the environment serves more to enhance one’s self-image than to express genuine care for the planet.

Spiritual narcissism is a form of narcissism in which an individual uses spirituality or religious practice as a means to promote their own image of moral or spiritual superiority, often ignoring true spiritual teachings or values in favor of self-aggrandizement.

There are exaggerated behaviors that stem from the (unconscious) identity connection between the narcissist and an external cause. These individuals duplicate their identity, connecting it to a copy that has been attached to an external cause. As seen in extreme cases, such as religion, where people unconsciously anchor their identity to the divine entity, structuring an identification within it...

These are my theories, but it is from this factor that fanaticism also arises in other fields. Extreme behaviors and acts that otherwise cannot be explained...

Rather than rigidly identifying with just one type of narcissism, it is more accurate to consider that people may exhibit a blend of narcissistic traits that overlap and intertwine. For example, an individual may generally have a grandiose approach to life but experience moments of vulnerable narcissism following a disappointment or criticism.

Similarly, somatic and cerebral traits can coexist, reflecting a need for admiration for both physical and intellectual qualities.

Let’s remember that narcissism can also be "situational," meaning that narcissistic traits may emerge or intensify in specific situations or contexts, such as in the workplace or in particularly competitive or stressful romantic relationships.

Narcissists are often master manipulators, but manipulation is a topic that extends beyond narcissism (I'll talk about it in another post).